Not every child is blessed to grow up in a nuclear family undivided by divorce or other separations. If you are struggling to remain connected to your child while distance keeps you apart, it can be frustrating.
Below are some tips that can make it easier to be a child-focused co-parent when you can’t be there in person.
Maintain consistent communication
When you can’t visit in person, either due to a deployment, incarceration or out-of-town employment, there are ways to keep in touch with your children. Schedule phone calls where you can discuss your child’s day, wish them good morning, help with homework or read them a bedtime story. Even weekly letters and cards arriving for them can be a treat to anticipate.
Remain emotionally available
Kids of all ages have complex feelings about their parents divorcing. Those feelings can manifest in negative behaviors. To avoid that from happening, talk to your kids about your own feelings in an age-appropriate manner. If you’re missing them acutely, let them know so they realize they are still foremost on your mind and in your heart.
This works by providing them with a safe space to use as an outlet for their own complicated feelings. Be wary of trying to jump in and “fix” things. Kids need the time and opportunity to work through their feelings on their own. If they continue to struggle, this could indicate a need for some therapeutic intervention by a professional who deals with children experiencing their parents’ divorces or separations.
Respect your children’s privacy
It’s normal for your child not to share everything about their time away. Remote parents can feel isolated since they can’t meet teachers, coaches, or new friends. Don’t let frustration harm your relationship with your child.
If it’s the custody order that’s problematic, make legal arrangements to modify it to better fit your family’s everchanging needs.